When Darkness Fell

Have you ever felt that sometimes you hated yourself? Most of the time I feel that and it sucks. You have to refrain being with other people because you might hurt them. I avoid relationships because it’s hard for me to handle. I avoid relationships because I am afraid of myself. I’m afraid of what’s inside my head. I prefer to stay quiet all the time.

The last few days have been hard for me. I don’t know how to deal with myself. I lock myself inside the room and don’t even eat for a day. I feel lazy and asleep during the day and I am awake during the night. I have stories in my head but it’s all about a girl always left alone somewhere and has to deal with herself. Different settings and different storylines but it always goes back to the girl blaming herself.

Right now I am working on modifying Red Riding Hood’s story, though there is a movie coming out this year in Red Riding Hood. I’ve been dying to make stories about the fairy tale world. I’ve changed the story where her grand mother was eaten by the wolf but it is not really a wolf but a person he ones knew. The first scene from the story is from Red Hiding Hood looking for her little sister in the woods. She’s all grown up now with anger, guilt and madness inside her.

I’ll be sharing my stories to a separate blog when I’m ready to post some. My stories include about zombies in the 70’s and a girl left behind by his father in a farm where she is not allowed to leave the house.

Yeah that’s right! That’s where my depression is going. This is where my mind taking me. Somewhere dark and sad yet I am coping. I can handle stuff like this. There are other things that let me occupy to do unpleasant things. I don’t want other people to worry. I don’t want them to be inside my dark place. I lie about telling them that I’m okay.

My friends told me that I seem far away from them lately. Yes I am doing this so that they would not worry much. It’s hard for me, if only they knew. I won’t let them know. I’ll be fine on my own, I guess. Revealing myself to a blog is hard but relieving.

I would like to say sorry to them. I started to walk away from them because of my emotions that are not predictable.

“Imagine time as something that can be held in your hands and turned.”